In the Darkness

I keep thinking this will be the day that I wake up without the darkness invading my mind. I know you can't see it, but it's there.

Why? Because we live in a fallen world with broken bodies. Why me? I don't know. My body is broken. Fibromyalgia robs my body of serotonin. Then Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) robs me of norepinephrine, dopamine & even more serotonin. I've started on meds to help replenish those vital brain chemicals, but it takes time.

The "feelings" caused by the lack of those chemicals are in stark contrast to reality. Loneliness, sadness, despair... It's a constant battle to not give in, to not just go with those feelings or to just stop feeling... to withdraw from everyone & everything... To curl up in a ball and cry... Or to yell & scream at everyone around me... Or to keep myself so busy that I can't think...

On top of these feelings comes the guilt, fear, shame... "You are so blessed, why are you down?" "Just snap out of it!" "Depression is a sin" "Christians don't take anti-depressants" "anti-depressants will hurt you, use herbs/oils/prayer instead" "you're hurting everyone around you" "they'll all think you're crazy if you let them know you're depressed" "pretend everything's okay" .........voices that echo through my head from myself, others & the Internet.

It will ALL drive you to Sanity's Edge!!!

So I fight...

....I told my Hubby I'm struggling. Admitting it is a big step!

....I went to my doctor who is overseeing my meds.

....I journal when I can. Or in this case, blog.

....I get out in the sunshine when I can.

....I talk with those I know who have been/or are going through depression. It's a big help to know I'm not alone in this struggle.

....I'm trying to speak up about my struggle. Bringing it into the light helps loosen its grip. It also may help someone else who is struggling.

....I have a few people praying for me as sometimes I can't pray myself other than "Help me God!"

....I'm trying to eliminate as much stress as I can, which is pretty hard.

 

Some days I win the fight... Some days I lose it... Most days I'm barely hanging on but fighting for every inch...

...fighting to get out of bed instead of sleeping all day. ...fighting to smile instead of cry. ...fighting to concentrate on what others are saying instead of what my mind is saying. ...fighting to be outgoing instead of hiding. ...fighting to listen to reality instead of the "voices" of guilt & shame. ...fighting to let things roll off my back instead of taking everything to heart. ...fighting to beat this depression instead of slipping over sanity's edge.

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Savella Update

So, tomorrow I will be 4 weeks on Savella. I'm totally up in the air about it. Stomach issues are the biggest down side to it. It's not been a magic cure all. I'm still achy. I seem to not have as much fatigue. I feel like I'm just waiting, with breath held, to see if it works. I thought I was losing weight, but now I'm not so sure. Still having the weird face numbness. Still struggling with emotions.

Guess I need to just wait & see...

Will the upset stomach ease? Will the weight start moving off? Will my pain levels ease up? Will fatigue continue to ease up?

In the meantime, I soldier on...

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Frustrations & fears

Today is the day I start my new medication, Savella. I'm nervous about taking it even though I feel this is the right step for now. I'm nervous because I never know how my body will react. Lyrica didn't help & caused me to gain weight. Other meds have caused weight gain or mood swings. Some work for a few months then stop working. My doctor has high hopes for this med so I'm ready to try it. He even thinks it will help with all the weird symptoms I'm having.

Speaking of weird symptoms, I'm feeling so frustrated over them. When listing symptoms for my doctors, I get a long list of possible diagnosis. But when they run the tests (MRIs, blood work, etc) for those diagnosis, everything comes back normal! I mean, I'm glad the tests are normal as some of these diseases are nasty, horrible things. But it's so frustrating to have symptoms with no cause except "I guess it's just your fibromyalgia!"

My other frustration is my weight. For some reason, my body is determined to hold on to this weight. I've tried every eating plan imaginable (for 6 months or more each). I've eliminated carbonation & artificial sweeteners. I've done the low calorie thing, the Paleo thing, the whole foods thing, no gluten, no dairy, etc... It does NOT work. I still feel horrible & I still weigh more than I should. I try to walk but then end up down for 2-3 days in pain. It's so hard to be this way! I'm a doer. I like to help & do. But I can't! Ugh!!

I know God has a plan! I know God has a reason for me going through this. I sometimes wish I had a peek into God's plan. But I don't. I just have to trust in His plan. I just have to keep living life & seeking Him. I also need to keep my eyes on Him & not myself. When I do start getting fearful & frustrated, I know it's because I'm focusing on the wrong things!

I sat down to write this blog post because I was getting overwhelmed, sad & mad after reading Facebook. So many people are doing this plan or that plan for eating/exercise and having great results. I'm happy for them. I love seeing my friends get healthy. But I get sad for me. I get sad for my Hubby & kids then I get mad. But then I realize that God has us in this particular life! He knows the beginning & the end! He knows my frustrations. He knows our trials. He WILL use this for good! Who knows, maybe This is a training ground for my kids. Maybe one of the will be a doctor or a nurse or therapist... I do know they are learning compassion for those who have an invisible illness.

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Some questions

Living with a chronic health issues yourself or having children/spouse/parents who have a chronic health issue is by definition a life long ordeal. Some days you have good days & some days are pretty bad. Some days you feel like you have a handle on everything. You feel like "I got this! Life is good!" The next day you can be so overwhelmed that you wonder how you will survive the next few minutes.

These chronic health issues can include (but not limited to): fibromyalgia, hemophilia, severe food allergies, multiple sclerosis, sarcoidosis, chronic fatigue, celiac, rheumatoid arthritis & autism. The way these affect life varies greatly. I'm working on a project & would love as many people as I can get to answer a few questions listed below. You can get me the answers several ways. You can comment below, email me at joyfulmomlea @ iCloud.com or message me on Facebook if we are friends.

Thank you for your time & energy! Also, share this with others who deal with chronic health issues! Here goes:

1. Do you or a family member have chronic health issues?

2. If you feel comfortable doing so, could you share your issues?

3. What is your biggest challenge?

4. Do you have support or do you feel alone in your daily struggles?

5. Where do you find the most support?

6. Where do you find the least support?

7. What is one thing you wish you could tell others about life with chronic health issues?

8. What is the most helpful thing someone has said or done for you or your family?

9. What is the most unhelpful thing someone has said or done?

10. Do you have any other comments, suggestions, thoughts you'd like to share on these topics?

Thank you so much for your time & effort!

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Fighting

I'm not sure why this flare-up has been so hard on me. Maybe it's because I'm getting older. Maybe it's because I've gained even more weight. Maybe it's just because I've had 3 different doctors convinced it was 3 different diagnosis & lab work proved them wrong. Maybe it's the wasted time & money. Maybe it's the overwhelming fatigue. Maybe it's all the well-meaning "advice" on how to get better. Maybe it's hormones on top of everything.

No matter the reason, it has been hard. Part of me feels guilty because I am struggling so much. So many others have it so much worse. Losing loved ones, fighting cancer, losing limbs, fighting illnesses that destroy your body, being told "there's nothing more we can do", etc...

So today I'm fighting:

• The fatigue that threatens to drive me back to bed
• The guilt for struggling so much over this
• The uncertainty of when the next severe symptom will hit
• The fear of what the next new symptom will be
• The urge to give in & not fight
• The tears that seem so close to the surface all the time
• The frustration at having to watch my kids react to my health issues
• The depression that threatens to close in
• The isolation that calls me to retreat & avoid people/places
• The anger over having to deal with this that boils to the surface & threatens to erupt

Why do I not give in? Why do I fight? Because I have hope! I know there is more to life than this. This life of pain/suffering/brokenness is not forever! It is only for a brief moment!

Over 2,000 years ago, a little baby was born in a stable in Bethlehem. But He wasn't just a baby, He was God! He became man so that He could experience every trial, anxiety, fear & suffering that we face. He became man so that He could take MY sins on Himself and suffer and die for me as a sacrifice! As MY sacrifice! Then He rose from the dead! He defeated death!! Because He defeated death, I have life! I need not fear death! Because He is my Savior & Lord, I have eternal life! Once this life is over, I get to spend eternity praising & worshiping my God & Savior! Not only that, but in eternity there will be no more fighting! No more pain! No more anxiety! No more fear! No more anger! No more frustration! I will be whole!

Until then, I will fight the good fight!

12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. (I Timothy 4:12)

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Just fibromyalgia & carpal tunnel

I had my appointment with the neurologist yesterday. My tests came back good except for my right hand. It showed extreme carpal tunnel with weakness in my thumb. It's bad enough that I see the hand surgeon on Monday. I'm praying no surgery for now, but we will see.

For now, my neurologist feels all my other symptoms are related to my fibromyalgia. So, now I have to learn to deal with all these symptoms. I have a script to get a walker for my really bad days. I'm also getting a handicap placard for those days my fatigue is really bad.

Im struggling a lot. My symptoms are scary & annoying. But it's just more of the same thing I've had all my life. There's no cure. There's no real treatment. Different things work for different people. Lately I'm overwhelmed by everything. Do I go traditional meds? Acupuncture? Chiropractic? Herbal? All natural foods? Gluten free? Low fat, high fiber? Low carb? High protein? High fat? Lots of exercise? Little to no exercise? Stretching? Physical therapy? Massage? Do I push hard? Or do I rest? On top of all this, how do I take care of my family? How do I cook & clean? What if I continue getting worse? What if the weakness continues? What if the tremors get worse?

How do I balance working toward getting better with preparing for the worst? How do I research treatments without getting overwhelmed by it all? How do I explain to the kids the unpredictability of fibromyalgia? How do I explain that I might get better but I might get worse or I may go up & down?

At least I know that whatever the future holds, God is in control. None of this takes Him by surprise! I have to lean on Him to carry me through each & every obstacle! All this pain & scary symptoms makes me long for Heaven a little more! So I press on! I will walk through this step by step. I may never know the correct answers to all my above questions. I'm so thankful my Savior is my comforter & friend. I can vent my feelings to Him. No matter how scared & overwhelmed all this makes me, I'm thankful for it! Without it, I would not have as close a relationship with God. I would not be the person I am today. I still have tough days. I still cry. But I have hope! Hope that one day I will have no more pain! Thanks to Jesus dying for my sins & rising again! He is my living Savior & Lord! May He use my life to bring Him glory and help someone else through tough times!

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Another update

It's been awhile since I've posted. Since I've had no answers, I really didn't feel like posting. I had my MRIs several weeks ago & was supposed to see the neurologist last week. His office cancelled that appt & couldn't see me until Nov 4th. We called back & stressed that I needed to be seen before that, so I saw the nurse practitioner today.

The good news is that my MRIs are clear. So no MS! There is some arthritis in my cervical spine but according to them it is normal changes with age. They feel that the numbness/tingling is my fibromyalgia. She did listen to my concerns about the weakness/feeling off balance. I also stressed that I'd like to get back to walking, but fear I might fall.

After some testing in the office, she ordered an EMG with NCV. Confused yet? :-) An electromyogram (EMG) measures the electrical activity of muscles at rest and during contraction. Nerve conduction studies measure how well and how fast the nerves can send electrical signals. They will compare these to the studies I had done 1 1/2 years ago to see if my muscles are actually weaker or if it's a nerve signal issue.

After these tests, she said I'd probably be sent to physical therapy. She's worried about me falling and urged me to be extra careful until then. She also was concerned that my BP was high. I think it's just the stress over this, but have message in with my primary doctor. Oh & she also asked my primary doctor to up my Effexor. She felt it might help alleviate some of the nerve symptoms. I felt like it was a productive appointment. No real, definite answers but movement in the right direction.

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Struggling!

Let me start with the more positive stuff. I had my neurologist appointment that my Hubby set up for me after all my bloodwork came back mostly normal. I know nothing new yet, but I'm scheduled for a brain MRI & cervical spine MRI at the end of the month. Hopefully in 2 weeks I'll start getting some answers.

Now to my struggles. I have to say that I'm doing fairly good coping with the physical symptoms of numbness, tingling, pins & needles and burning. The weakness, on the other hand, is causing me some struggles.

Walking slow because I feel unsteady is the worst. I've always been able to walk through my symptoms. Now I'm struggling to walk across a room without something to hang onto. When I do have something to hang onto, I wear out very, very quickly.

From the outside, I look okay. I have put on some more weight (which is part of my struggling), but I don't look sick. It's the hidden things that make it hard. I get overstimulated easily which makes a roomful of people hard, or even just my kids all talking at once. My brain works slower than normal. A simple thing like taking sermon notes becomes almost impossible because my hand can't keep up with my brain which can't keep up with what I'm hearing. I'm finding my spelling skills have deteriorated. My vision is blurry a lot of the time & I sometimes feel off-center.

I'm only 42 (almost 43), but I feel like I'm 80! I hate that my kids are worried about me. I hate that my kids have to fix their own meals many days. I hate that I'm at my highest weight ever (even higher than my full term pregnancy weight)! I hate that i feel ugly because of this & because all my clothes feel tight & small! I hate that my Hubby has to worry so much about me. I hate that my Hubby has to carry much of the load around here when he's home from traveling. I hate that my parents have to come up & help me when I should be helping them! I hate that I don't know how to let my friends help me even though lots of them have offered. I hate that we (my family) can't do a lot of things because I don't feel up to it. I especially hate that I don't know yet what I'm fighting so I don't know HOW to fight it!

So for now, I have a good cry then just try to get through each day until I have answers. I try not to give in, not to play the what-if game, and not to dwell on myself too much! I'm so blessed & have so many who love me. I KNOW God is in control & there is a reason why I am here & going through this. But even though I know this, I still waver. I still put my eyes on myself & my problems. I still struggle! So pray for me! And let me know how I can pray for you.

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Fear

By [the help of] God I will praise His word; on God I lean, rely, and confidently put my trust; I will not fear. What can man, who is flesh, do to me? (Psalm 56:4 AMP)

THE Lord is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1 AMP)

Fear! It's the one thing we all struggle with, some of us more than others!

When I was little, I feared people. I was shy. Then I feared the reaction/responses of people. So I became a people pleaser! At age 7, after a stint in hospital, I feared relapsing & never walking again. As I got older, I feared public speaking so much that I threw a science test so that my GPA would slip enough to put me in 3rd place in my class. I did NOT want to make a speech at graduation!

I lived with fear for almost 3/4 of my life so far. Then God got my attention! At age 27, I was bedridden & in excruciating pain. The doctors couldn't figure it out & couldn't take the pain away. In the middle of the long dark nights, I had to face my fears! I might never walk. I would most definitely disappoint & let people down.

Many times, God brought me to the verses that said "Fear Not!" TV preachers taught on fear. Books I read talked about fear. As I got better, I continued to hear, read & study about fear.

I had to come to a point where I had to choose...am I going to live in fear or am I going to trust God to protect me & provide all my needs??

I decided to trust! What a freeing decision! It didn't come easy. I had some moments of fear & times I had to remind myself to let go & leave the detail to God.

It is amazing what God has done for me & through me. By letting go of my fear, I am able to live in the moment. God has given me freedom from seeking the approval of others. If I'm living the way God wants me to, then I don't need to worry what others think. Comparison is the ultimate fear-inducer & a sign that I'm thinking too much about myself.

I'm amazed every time I am able to talk in front of a group without trembling in fear. I'm amazed every time I can call someone & actually talk to them. I'm amazed every time I can leave my house to travel & not be in constant fear something will happen why we are gone. I'm amazed that I can listen to the news & not completely freak out. I'm amazed that I can take life one day at a time & really enjoy it.

We have an awesome God! I'm totally amazed at how much He loves me. The freedom He gives is life changing! He died on a cross for my sins! I'm an imperfect, selfish, sinful person. I deserve death & punishment. But Jesus came & gave His live for me. He WAS perfect, blameless & yet He took MY sins! But His death was not the end. He defeated death! He rose again! Why? Because He loves me. Because He loves you! Just pray & tell Jesus you want Him to be Lord of your life, forgive your sins & free you from death!

Then ask Him to free you from fear! Be prepared to be amazed at the changes He makes in your life & the freedom He gives you!!

 

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God is Faithful

As I've been struggling a lot with my health recently, God has been reminding me more & more of His Faithfulness! The following video has become a new favorite of mine. It's called "Never Once" & it's by Matt Redman.

Many times, we walk through trials that overwhelm us. Yet when we stop looking at our trials & look up, we see that God has been there all along! He never promised us an easy life. But He did promise that He would walk with us through each & every trial.

I've been through many trials, especially in regards to my health. I can testify that Jesus has been faithful! He walked with me through the darkest nights. Because I've seen His faithfulness to me, I know He will carry me through whatever the future holds!

Come to Him! Cling to Him! He is faithful & will see you through each & every trial! It may not be the outcome you want, but He will be with you every step of the way. God is Faithful!!!

 

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Sidelined by a flare-up

Life with fibromyalgia has its ups & downs. But you tend to find a new normal. You ache & weather changes make it a little worse. But every once in awhile, you have a full blown flare-up. I liken it to the tornado Fujita scale. Most time I operate at an F1 with an occasional F2 & F3. An F5 is when I'm completely bedridden & hurting so bad I'm almost sick. Right now I'm experiencing an F4! Not good!

I think this flare is a combinations of stress, overdoing & weather changes. I should have seen it coming, but I always think I'm doing good. I just think it's a little flare & I push through it. This time I was wrong.

Wednesday afternoon, my pain levels went crazy. Muscle pain & joint pain. Muscle tightness too. Body & mind fatigue. Weird numbness throughout my body. Usually it's 1 or 2 of these at a time, not all of them! I know this will pass. It always does. But while you are in the middle of it, it's so hard.

Fortunately my Hubby is taking good care of me while I'm sidelined by this flare-up. And I know lots of people are praying for me.

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Fibromyalgia Setbacks!

Life with fibromyalgia can be so frustrating at times. I'll be doing really good. Walking 4-5 days a week, having low pain levels & losing 15 pounds. Then it all grinds to a halt. My weight loss stalls, daily headaches kick in as well as fatigue & achiness. It's frustrating because it hits out of nowhere.

To top it off, I've been dealing with my heart trying to race. This is something I've not had to deal with for 18 years. In 1994, I had a RFablation to kill a short circuit pathway in my heart (Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome). I've been trying to tell myself that I'm imagining it, but it's not working. Looks like I'll be heading to doctor again soon.

Sometimes it feels like my body hates me. I think my body parts get together to see how they can throw me for a loop today! Hey, let me pop a fever for no reason. Hey, how about a headache, we haven't had one of those for awhile. Hey, how about a pain here or there for no apparent reason.

It sure makes it harder to get healthy. I mean, it's hard for anyone to get healthy, but when you have fibromyalgia, your body fights it. You can't push your body really hard or it breaks. And then sometimes it breaks when you are not doing anything. Now I have to fight mentally. I can't let a setback by my body undermine all the good I've done so far. I have to convince myself that just because my body isn't showing the results of my discipline doesn't mean what I'm doing is worthless. I have to convince myself to keep going, to keep eating healthy & to keep walking. I have to convince my mind that this is not hopeless, it's just a small setback. I have to fight with my mind, my body & all the strength I can muster...

 

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Another twist to my life

So, my rheumatologist sent me to the dermatologist because of my facial rash. Come to find out, it's a condition called urticaria. It's basically hives caused by physical stimuli such as sunlight, heat/cold, pressure or exercise. It is treated by taking antihistamines to block the histamine reaction. So something easy to deal with.

The twist comes because I had to have 3 spots, 2 on back & 1 on hand, biopsied. I was not expecting this but very happy my doctor is being so proactive. I had to have stitches in each spot. It affected me more than I thought it would. I've been having some pain & tenderness. I've also been having some moments of fear of the "what ifs". I know God is in control. Whatever the outcome of the biopsies, I know God will carry me through it. But I still have those moments of fear sneak up on me.

I will have the results on Thursday at 8am. So just 84 hours! Then I'll know the extent of this twist...

The difference support makes!

After church today, I was thinking back 15 years to when I was waiting for another diagnosis. My situation was different in many ways then. We were still childless & I was off work on disability. We also were NOT plugged into a local church. And this was before twitter & Facebook. I had my Hubby & our families, but that was the extent of my support.

Today, waiting for diagnosis is still hard, but I am surrounded with love & support from many sources.

1. I have the most incredible husband! He loves me so much. He's so patient with me when I fall apart. He has picked up so much of the responsibilities here at home when he is home. He sees the tears & hears the fears I'm afraid to voice with anyone else. He is my rock!

2. I have awesome parents & in-laws who are helping with the kids & with whatever we need help with.

3. I have a great church family. I didn't have this 15 yrs ago. I'm overwhelmed by the offers of help. I've had offers for meals, childcare & housework. Now to figure out what help I need & when. I also know we are being covered with their prayers.

4. I have a ton of friends online supporting me. Childhood friends, college friends, family, church family & Internet friends. When I'm struggling, I can make a quick post. Then I'm covered in prayers & receive tons of encouragement.

This 2nd time of new symptoms & diagnosis waiting is still difficult, but the additional support I have is making an incredible difference. I'm having moments of fears & tears, but nothing like the crushing fear & depression I had from fighting this fight with very little support. Don't get me wrong, my Hubby & our families were awesome support back then, but there was only so much they could do.

I think twitter & Facebook have helped too. Being able to post how I'm doing is helping me be open, honest with others. It's hard to admit face to face that you are scared & struggling. But posting online is a little easier for me to share. And I know someone will reply with just the thing I need to hear.

If you are going through something similar, I suggest surrounding yourself with a strong support system! The bigger support team, the better off you will be.

To all of my friends & family, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for offering to help us! Thank you for your prayers! Thank you for your words of support & encouragement! Thank you for being there! Also thank you to those of you who are supporting my Hubby & the kids. I know health issues affect more than just me, so thank you. I'm so greatful for all of you! Your love and support makes all the difference in the world!!!

Still no diagnosis!

Well, my appointments have come & gone. I'm fighting a headache. I'm not sure if it's weather, stress or hormone related, maybe all 3. Time to rest, but first I want to update y'all on what's new.

I saw the neurologist on Tuesday. Based on my symptoms, it's looking like I have a couple of different things going on possibly. So, I have to have a Spinal Tap on 4/23 & I'm also having a nerve conduction test on 5/4.

Then I saw a rheumatologist today. He did confirm that I have Raynaud's Phenomenon (feet/hands turn blue when cold). He is running a whole slew of lab tests & also referred me to a dermatologist for rash on my face.

The good news from the week is that I love my team of doctors! They are committed to finding out what all is going on with me & are wanting to know what my other doctors are doing.

The bad news is I still don't know for sure what is going on. And the things they are testing for/suspecting are pretty scary. I'm being tested for Neuropathy in hands/feet, MS(Multiple Sclerosis) & Lupus.

I know that whether it is 1 or all of these, God will carry me through. I've seen God's Faithfulness time & time again as I dealt with a heart arrhythmia & fibromyalgia. I know He won't fail me now!

I am also blessed with a wonderful Hubby who will be by my side no matter what we have to face. I'm blessed with 3 great kids who love me & are great helpers. I have awesome parents & in-laws who love me & help me when needed.

I am also blessed with tons of family, church family & friends who will pray for me, encourage me & help out where needed.

So although the future looks scary, I know I'm gonna be alright!

Night before neurologist appt.

As I lay here in bed, it's the night before my neurology appointment. I'm struggling with a bad reaction to the sun. I seem to have hives & feeling a little blah. But that is nothing compared to the inner turmoil I'm struggling with.

I'm very anxious to hear what the neurologist thinks. I'm a little scared though. I've had bad experiences in the past with doctors. Because one doctor told me I was crazy & my fibromyalgia symptoms were all in my head, I fear I will hear that again. I know deep down there is something wrong & I know the MRI showed it, but I still fear the "it's all in your head" diagnosis.

I'm also praying I don't completely fall apart on the doctor. Some of my symptoms are a little scary. I'm praying for clarity of mind as I talk to the doctor. I want to be able to remember all the symptoms & not downplay them. I have a tendency to do that as I'm pretty good at hiding what's going on with me.

Hubby is working out of town so I'm going to be on my own. Fortunately my wonderful parents are coming up to help me around the house & with the kids. They will be here for me, but it's not quite the same as having Hubby here. I also have Rheumatologist appt. on Thursday, so it's a busy week healthwise.

I'm also a little stressed because at the same time as I'm getting all this health news, I have two kids with birthdays this week. My son is turning 9 tomorrow & my oldest daughter is turning 12 on Sunday! So trying to stay positive & celebrate them during this time is rough. And, I might not be able to make their birthday cake like I usually do. So frustrating!

Anyway, that's what's on my mind tonight. I'll post again soon when I get a diagnosis...

Good & bad moments

It's been a weird week. Lots of changes in life happening here including our Pastor of 19 years stepping down as God is calling him somewhere else. Also seeing some other changes coming.So I think this week my health is being affected by stress.

I've also been affected by the weather changes this week. Our week has included 70 degree days, 23 degree nights & every thing in between. We've had sunshine, rain, wind & even a little snow.

With all these changes, my health has been up & down all week. I've had headaches that have come & gone. I've had some really good hours in which I decorated for Christmas, cleaned my kitchen & cooked some yummy stuff. I've also had some bad hours where I just laid on couch praying for headaches to go away & muscles spasms to cease.

All in all, I feel I've stayed upbeat and persevered.  Sometimes you just have to ride out the bad so you can enjoy the good moments.