Frustrations & fears

Today is the day I start my new medication, Savella. I'm nervous about taking it even though I feel this is the right step for now. I'm nervous because I never know how my body will react. Lyrica didn't help & caused me to gain weight. Other meds have caused weight gain or mood swings. Some work for a few months then stop working. My doctor has high hopes for this med so I'm ready to try it. He even thinks it will help with all the weird symptoms I'm having.

Speaking of weird symptoms, I'm feeling so frustrated over them. When listing symptoms for my doctors, I get a long list of possible diagnosis. But when they run the tests (MRIs, blood work, etc) for those diagnosis, everything comes back normal! I mean, I'm glad the tests are normal as some of these diseases are nasty, horrible things. But it's so frustrating to have symptoms with no cause except "I guess it's just your fibromyalgia!"

My other frustration is my weight. For some reason, my body is determined to hold on to this weight. I've tried every eating plan imaginable (for 6 months or more each). I've eliminated carbonation & artificial sweeteners. I've done the low calorie thing, the Paleo thing, the whole foods thing, no gluten, no dairy, etc... It does NOT work. I still feel horrible & I still weigh more than I should. I try to walk but then end up down for 2-3 days in pain. It's so hard to be this way! I'm a doer. I like to help & do. But I can't! Ugh!!

I know God has a plan! I know God has a reason for me going through this. I sometimes wish I had a peek into God's plan. But I don't. I just have to trust in His plan. I just have to keep living life & seeking Him. I also need to keep my eyes on Him & not myself. When I do start getting fearful & frustrated, I know it's because I'm focusing on the wrong things!

I sat down to write this blog post because I was getting overwhelmed, sad & mad after reading Facebook. So many people are doing this plan or that plan for eating/exercise and having great results. I'm happy for them. I love seeing my friends get healthy. But I get sad for me. I get sad for my Hubby & kids then I get mad. But then I realize that God has us in this particular life! He knows the beginning & the end! He knows my frustrations. He knows our trials. He WILL use this for good! Who knows, maybe This is a training ground for my kids. Maybe one of the will be a doctor or a nurse or therapist... I do know they are learning compassion for those who have an invisible illness.

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Has it really been over 3 months?!

Wow! Time flies! So much has happened since April. I've started some new treatments that I'm excited about.

A couple friends introduced me to Essential Oils! I'm in love with Young Living's PanAway! Since I started using this, I have not had to take pain pills! It hasn't taken the pain completely away, but helps keep it manageable! I'm looking forward to trying some other oils once I get a little extra money.

I also got up the nerve to start chiropractic treatment. As I suspected, my spine was very misaligned! I've been 5 times & I'm a believer! After my 2nd visit, I walked out with NO pain in my neck. Now, I was really sore by bedtime & had to ice my neck. As my chiropractor, Dr. Kevin Storm, works on getting my spine in alignment, I am feeling better & better! He is also working on my tight neck & back muscles. Tight muscles have been a big complaint of mine. Between treatments & the exercises he has given me, I'm feeling more relaxed.

But, that is not all that's new! Dr. storm is also doing accupuncture on me! I've had 2 sessions so far. After the first one, I was a little sore & was very tired. After the second, I walked out pain-free (for about 12 hrs or so) & had lots of energy! I was able to weed my garden & still had energy to spare.

I now find myself looking forward to my treatment days. Each time I leave feeling a little better & the effects tend to last a little longer each time!

I know these new treatments will not cure my fibromyalgia. But I do feel certain they will make it more manageable & will give me more good days than bad! I am just praising God for opening my eyes to these alternative treatments! I was so resistant to them. They have been an answer to prayer! I'm excited to see the progress I make toward getting healthy! I now have hope that I can increase my activity level, which will lead to some weight loss!

So keep checking back for updates!

 

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Sometimes we overdo!

The balance between pushing ourselves & overdoing is a constant battle when you have fibromyalgia. You have to constantly be thinking "Is this the activity that will push me over the edge?" But sometimes, you have to choose to do an activity that you know will land you in bed. Why? Because you want to be with your family & make memories with your kids.

This past Thursday & Friday, I made that choice. We had the opportunity to visit Washington, DC. If you've ever been to DC, you know that it entails lots of walking!

On Thursday, marked in red, we walked several blocks from Metro to Ford's Theatre & Peterson House. We toured both sites & museums. Then we hopped Metro again to Arlington National Cemetery. We walked all over the cemetery (lots of hills). Then we walked from Cemetery across Memorial Bridge to Lincoln Memorial through several monuments & to Metro on National Mall. We figure we walked a good 5-6 miles.

On Friday we walked less outside, but more inside the National Archives & Smithsonian National Museum of American History, marked in blue. I was exhausted by this point & had to sit a lot! I missed out on seeing a lot of the exhibits with my Hubby & kids.

By Friday night, I was exhausted! It took several days to get back to normal. I try really hard to push myself to walk & keep moving. But sometimes I wonder if it would be better to have a wheelchair, at least for those times I know we are doing a lot of walking, like sightseeing & conferences. Where is that line? Where do you push through & where do you admit you need a wheelchair in order to keep active?

 

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Change!

The last 3 months have been rough. New symptoms have drove me crazy. The ups & downs of being told possible diagnosis only to find out it's not that. Getting a few new minor diagnosis but mainly being told it's just my fibromyalgia. All this has been harder on me than I realized!
I went to see my primary doctor last Friday. Was totally shocked when I got on the scale! I was the heaviest I've ever been in my life! I broke down & cried in front of my doctor. Not because he yelled at me, but because he was so kind. He didn't lecture, he sympathized. He offered help if I want it. So, I've given myself 4 months (when my next appt is) to change my life. If I haven't made drastic improvements, then I'll go to the weight loss center.
On Monday, I changed my diet. Mostly protein & Veggies with a few fruits thrown in. No breads or pastas. No sugars unless in fruit. I've limited my diet drinks & drunk mainly water. I plan to stop the diet drinks soon, but didn't want to totally shock my system. One thing at a time!
On Monday, I also started exercising. It isn't much, just 30 minutes daily of walking or aerobics in the pool at the hotel. We have been traveling with Hubby so the pool was convenient. I feel it was a good way to start. Starting today, I will be doing some WiiFitPlus at home. I want to start walking too, but need to wait till the temperature outside drops as my body can't tolerate the heat.
I've set some goals for myself. I want to lose 15 pounds by August 10th. I also want to be walking atleast 2 miles a day by then. My long term goals are loftier. My total weight loss goal is 125 pounds. My fitness goal is to be walking 4-5 miles per day by spring & ultimately start running again & maybe do a 5k.
I know it will take hard work & strength. I know I will have bad days, but the end goal is worth it. That end goal is to be healthier & be able to do things with my kids & Hubby for years to come.
I've come to the realization that modern medicine will not help me! This is something I have to do for myself. I have to choose whether I am going to give into this fibromyalgia & let it ruin my life or whether I am going to fight! I am choosing to fight! I'm going to fight for myself & for my family! I was healthy once, I can get there again!

This is me 25 years ago! I'm determined to get back to something close to this!

My motivation!

My motivation & my best encourager!

I know this will be a tough fight but I also know it is worth it. It is very hard to post this as now everyone knows my goals & if I fail it will be very embarrassing & more devastating. It's hard to be transparent, but I know it is something I must do. Pray for me as I embark on this life change because I know it is only with God's strength that I will be able to do this!

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