I've crashed big time. I feel like I've got poison inside me. My muscles ache. My head aches. I feel pain everywhere. The pain makes me nauseous. My brain feels like it's on overload. All I want to do is cry.
I feel like the worst mom in the world as I can barely take care of my kids right now. I'm grumpy & short tempered. I'm an even worse wife. All I can do is cry & complain when my Hubby calls from out of town.
I can't think straight. When in a group, I feel like I'm in a fog and only hearing half of what is going on. I probably appear aloof & stuck up to others but it's just that I'm not processing half of what I see & hear unless it's a one on one conversation in a quiet room.
My muscles feel swollen to me although they don't look it. It feels as if they are swollen & seeping poison into my body. The only relief I get right now is the hot showers I take. The hot water seems to drive the poison out of my body & allows the muscles to relax.
I haven't felt this way in years. And because of that, I haven't dealt with it very well. I'm struggling. I've handled it all wrong. I've pushed way too hard when I shouldn't have. I've been way too lax when I should have been pushing myself. I've been eating all wrong & giving in to junk because it was comforting & easy. And the worst thing I've done is stopped my meds because I freaked out when I realized I've gained back ALL the weight I've worked hard over the last 5 years to lose (over 40 pounds!)!!
So, I've crashed. Now it's time to stop punishing myself. It's time to relax and stop fighting my body. So my goal for next 48 hours is to rest when I need to, sleep when I need to, take as many hot showers as I need to & just let Hubby worry about the kids & house.
I also plan to dig into God's Word. That always seems to help. It amazes me that I always seem to turn to God last. He must sit up there & laugh over me. I'm so stubborn & pigheaded. I'm so like the Israelites in the Wilderness. I KNOW what God has brought me through yet I still turn from Him & grumble all the way.
After I rest & detox, the hard work begins again. Eating healthy, drinking lots of water, handling stress better & exercising/stretching begins. It will be hard, but it's got to be better than this crash...