Thursday, May 31, 2012

It's all in the ATTITUDE!

I've had several people as me lately how I'm doing. I answer "I'm doing better." it's not because I feel better physically. It's because I'm coping better. My attitude is better!

I have a few updates. My skin biopsies came back ok. I also went to neurologist & he says I don't have MS. He says all the fatigue & facial numbness & vision blurriness is just a bad fibromyalgia flare-up. So now I just have to live with the new symptoms & learn to cope.

So even though nothing has changed and I have no new diagnosis, I'm doing better. I'm resolved to pushing through this & trying to get healthier. I'm finding my attitude about all these health issues will either carry me through or break me. So it's all in the Attitude!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Stronger tree, stronger me!

Many years ago when I was studying Forestry, I learned that if a tree is located where it is blown by the wind, it will grow stronger roots & be able to withstand even the strongest storm. Trees that were sheltered from the elements were weaker & often damaged in the stronger storms.

I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to be shaken by the winds of illness, changing plans, a travelling Hubby & many other things. These things may seem unbearable to others who look at my life, but my roots are deep. They are planted in my Savior!

With each new obstacle thrown my way, I've been blown & tossed around. But I'm anchored in Christ! I know that no matter what is thrown my way, He will carry me through. Each trial is making me stronger & more like Christ. I may get battered & bruised along the way. I may get a few "limbs" knocked out of me. This is God's way of getting rid of my bad habits & traits.

But I know that each storm of life I walk through makes me stronger & better able to handle the next one! Because of this, I welcome the storms! I'm thankful for the storms. Without them, I would be weaker. Without them, I wouldn't know the power of God's love & mercy! I wouldn't know that God is trustworthy, faithful & true! I'd be less like Christ.

I love these verses! "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV84)

I may not consider it pure joy as I'm in the middle of a trial/storm. But as I ask God for perspective, I step back and look at my journey. I can see where I have persevered. I can see where I'm growing more mature & more like Jesus. That's when I have joy! For just a second, I see where I've come from & where I'm going! I see that one of these days, my trials will disappear. One of these days, God's work in me will be complete. I will see my Savior face to face & be a perfect reflection of Him!

Until then, let the storms of life come! They will only make me stronger!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Another twist to my life

So, my rheumatologist sent me to the dermatologist because of my facial rash. Come to find out, it's a condition called urticaria. It's basically hives caused by physical stimuli such as sunlight, heat/cold, pressure or exercise. It is treated by taking antihistamines to block the histamine reaction. So something easy to deal with.

The twist comes because I had to have 3 spots, 2 on back & 1 on hand, biopsied. I was not expecting this but very happy my doctor is being so proactive. I had to have stitches in each spot. It affected me more than I thought it would. I've been having some pain & tenderness. I've also been having some moments of fear of the "what ifs". I know God is in control. Whatever the outcome of the biopsies, I know God will carry me through it. But I still have those moments of fear sneak up on me.

I will have the results on Thursday at 8am. So just 84 hours! Then I'll know the extent of this twist...

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Still waiting...

Still no answers as to what is going on with me. My spinal tap came back normal, but I have no idea what that means. I have a nerve conduction test tomorrow. It is the last of the testing that has been ordered. Will it provide answers?

Will my doctors figure out why my muscles feel cold & numb and then the next second have sharp electric shock type pains followed by burning? Will they figure out why one moment I'm walking fine & the next I feel like my legs are lead? Will they figure out why I'm so tired? Will they figure out why I have numbness & tingling throughout my body including my face?

So many questions & so few answers...

I wish I could tell you I'm "resting in Jesus" & I'm doing great. I could tell you that, but I'd be lying. I have to admit that I'm not handling the wait very well. I know in my heart that God knows my troubles & will carry me through whatever is going on. But I'm finding it hard to patiently wait on His timing! I'm finding it hard to be joyful in all things! I'm finding it hard not to lash out at my kids & Hubby! Ouch, admitting that one hurt. I'm finding it hard not to give in to the pain.

I'm struggling...

But I won't give in! I will keep fighting! I'll keep trusting! I'll keep waiting!