Balancing Act

I feel like coming through a fibromyalgia flare-up is very much a balancing act. How much can I do without sliding back into a flare-up? If I sort laundry, how much time should I rest on the couch? Can I go to the store or will it put me down for a week? If I do dishes will my back & arms ache all night? How much do I do & how quickly do I start doing this stuff?

So as I look to this weekend, I'm wondering how am I going to balance all that needs to be done against my health. Lots of breaks! And lots of prayers for wisdom to know when to stop & rest! And lots of help from Hubby & my kids.

 

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Sidelined by a flare-up

Life with fibromyalgia has its ups & downs. But you tend to find a new normal. You ache & weather changes make it a little worse. But every once in awhile, you have a full blown flare-up. I liken it to the tornado Fujita scale. Most time I operate at an F1 with an occasional F2 & F3. An F5 is when I'm completely bedridden & hurting so bad I'm almost sick. Right now I'm experiencing an F4! Not good!

I think this flare is a combinations of stress, overdoing & weather changes. I should have seen it coming, but I always think I'm doing good. I just think it's a little flare & I push through it. This time I was wrong.

Wednesday afternoon, my pain levels went crazy. Muscle pain & joint pain. Muscle tightness too. Body & mind fatigue. Weird numbness throughout my body. Usually it's 1 or 2 of these at a time, not all of them! I know this will pass. It always does. But while you are in the middle of it, it's so hard.

Fortunately my Hubby is taking good care of me while I'm sidelined by this flare-up. And I know lots of people are praying for me.

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Meds, side effects & more

So much going on with my health & I haven't felt up to posting.

On Jan 28th, I was switched from Celexa to Wellbutrin because the Celexa was fatiguing me. Since I started on the Wellbutrin, I have had headaches every day. It took me till yesterday to think it was probably a side-effect. So after contacting my doctor, I am stopping the Wellbutrin now & seeing him on Monday morning.

Between hormones, headaches, depression & pain from crazy weather, this has been a rough year so far. I'm usually fairly even keeled & seem to be able to ride the storms of fibromyalgia. But this has been hard. Rather than be constantly negative & posting how bad I feel, I've chosen to just be quiet.

I know God has a reason for me going through all this. But sometimes it's hard to see the big picture. I know that I am very blessed. I know my struggles are are very small compared to a lot of others. So many are facing cancer, MS or worse.

But in the midst of the pain, my outlook becomes cloudy. I have to work harder to keep my mind focused on Christ. Only then can I walk through this life.

 

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Update

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been on my anti-depressant for over a month now. It has been a big improvement in my moods, but it made me so tired all the time. I saw my doctor on Monday. He cut my dosage in half. If I stay stable on this & my tiredness disappears, then great. If not, my doctor has promised to work with me until we find a med that doesn't cause me side-effects. Have I told you that I love my doctor??

On top of all this, I got sick after Christmas. It was just a stuffy nose until New Year's Day. I really think I got worse because I was so worn out from Christmas, cleaning house, company & NYE party. I often forget that overdoing causes my immune system to be out of whack, more than normal.

So now I'm on antibiotic for a sinus infection. Getting better has been a very slow process. Definitely slower than I want. Hubby is actually home this month. I want to be feeling better so we can do things as a family & I can enjoy him being home.

So that is my update. Some days are a struggle. Some days are better. But through it all, I know that my God will carry me through each day. He is so faithful! Even when I feel horrible, I know God is taking care of me. Sickness, depression, pain.... They are all the result of living in a fallen world, a world marred by sin! It's not the way God created it. And one day, He will come back & make it all whole again! This world will be perfect! I will be perfected in Him! No more pain, no more depression, and no more sickness!

It's the hope of His return, that makes this all bearable! I know I am God's & He is my Lord & Savior! One day I will be healed! This life on earth is just temporary! This knowledge is my joy! My God is the King of Kings & Lord of Lords! It is for Him that I live! No matter how bad I feel, I will praise Him! Through good & bad, sickness & health, I will praise & worship God! Why? Because He is worthy of praise! He is God!

I will praise you, O Lord , among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. (Psalms 108:3, 4 NIV84)

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The big "D" word!

Fall has almost skipped us here in Indiana. We went from 80+ degree days to days in the 30s & 40s. Except for a mild day every once in awhile. What I wasn't ready for was the sudden onslaught of "winter symptoms". You know, the increased aches & the depression. Add to that hormone issues & you get a big mess.

You'd think after a lifetime of this, I would be prepared. I wasn't. And my family, especially Hubby, paid the price. What price is that? A grumpy, sad, tired, sick me. When I'm down, so is my whole family. The worst part is that I can see myself in this rut, but I can't get out.

I'm doing better the past few days. My Hubby prayed over me & my hormones have stabilized. We also had a few gorgeous days with lots of sunshine. I was able to walk some over the weekend. But I can see it's going to be a tough winter.

It may be time to get an anti-depressant. As most of you know, Fibromyalgia suffers already have low serotonin. Add Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) to it & my serotonin levels bottom out when the sunlight hours get short.

I truly hate medication, but there are times when I need it. My mind tells me I am being weak, but my heart is telling me that I need to do this for myself & my family. It's hard to admit you are depressed & need meds. People (including myself) judge you for taking anti-depressants & for being depressed.

I know that I am truly blessed. I have everything in the world to be joyful for. I am grateful. But I also know my joy is not based on my circumstances or health. You can be joyful but still be depressed. So I must seek help from my doctor.

Yes, I'm blogging to convince myself what I need to do. And just maybe, my struggle will help someone else in the same situation.

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Painful Praises

Out of nowhere the pain slams me

Once again I'm at its mercy

It hurts to breathe

Darkness beckons

I pause to whisper His name

 

The pain remains but peace floods me

His grace overwhelms me

I can breathe

The darkness flees

All at the mention of His name

 

This scene repeats itself often in my life

I used to beg God to take it

The overwhelming pain

The depression that threatens

The thorn in my flesh so painful

 

But God changed my point of view

I don't see this as a negative

Instead it's a blessing

A chance to praise Him

For He carries me through it all

 

My pain shows me my need of Jesus

I can't survive this life alone

I need His mercy

I need His grace

I need His overwhelming love and care

 

If not for my pain and struggles in life

I'd believe I could do life myself

No need for a Savior

No need for Jesus

Just pushing through life on my own

 

So I humbly pour my praise out to God

And thank Him for my thorns

They show me my need

They show me my hopelessness

They show me how lost I am without Him

 

Rescued by Jesus who suffered for me at Calvary

He died for my sins & yours

He was buried

He rose again

He gave His life so I may be free

 

How can I complain about any pain I face

When my heart is bursting with thanksgiving

Overflowing with gratitude

Humbled and in awe

Of all my Jesus has done for me

 

So I offer my life, my pain, my suffering to Him

A sacrifice of praise lifted

To the Savior of my soul

To the Giver of life

Praise & Honor & Glory forever.

 

 

 

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Gratefulness!

I've been reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book "Choosing Gratitude". In it, she states that we need to have gratitude in all things, even bad things.

I truly can say that I am thankful for all my health issues. No, I don't like them. I don't like pain. I don't like numbness & restless legs. I don't like sleepless nights. BUT I am thankful for them.

Through the pain, agony & tears, I have seen my God provide my every need. He has been my comfort on sleepless nights. He has been faithful to never leave me alone. Even when He didn't ease the pain, God gave me peace of mind to rest in Him.

One of the greatest gifts that God has given me through this painful journey has been the privilege of sharing with others what an Awesome God I serve! My Creator made me. He loves me & died for me, a nobody. I don't deserve to be saved, yet He did save me. He walks with me throughout this life.

Though I walk through difficult times that I don't understand, I know that God is there. I know He has a reason for this all. I know that even though I don't know why, He does & it's all for good. And I wouldn't trade all this for the world!

Without the sleepless nights, I wouldn't have the pleasure of praying for my family & friends at night. Without the pain, I wouldn't be able to sympathize with those who hurt. If my life was not just like it is, pain & all, I wouldn't be at the place in my life where I could give thanks to God for this all & in this all!

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